*obligatory depressing new years post*

I passed by my mom in the kitchen earlier today. She said to me, "I'm glad this year is almost over .. "
"Why?" I asked her.
"Well, this year just wasn't a very good one .. "
Nothing against my mom, but I don't understand the logic in that. 2009 doesn't make 2008 go away. Those memories will always be there. But my whole perception of New Year's Eve is fucked because it's not something I care about. I'm fucked when it comes to time in general. The other day I had to think about how old I was. So for people who see a new year as a new chance, I guess that logic works.

Tomorrow all of my friends are going to call me. "Dude .. I have such a hangover .. and the chick I woke up next to was definitely not the slammin' hottie I remember."

I'm so sorry for your misfortune.

I sometimes wish I was that kind of person. Who goes out on holidays and gets shitfaced and fucked. But I'm too hateful for that. And I've learned, the more you search for something, the more it eludes you. Does that mean I'm jealous of these people who wake up to more than a few regrets?

My head is throbbing. Can't wait until I'm off this medication. Another week or so, I think.

I should just go to bed. I'm already starting to suffer from "Why bother" syndrome, where my blog post starts seeming more and more pointless the more I rant and vent and bitch.

There's a knot in my head and in my heart, and both are tugging on the same threads. I know that's the real reason for all of the things I complain about. It's one of those funny things. Where I don't know what it is, but at the same time I do and I'm scared to admit it. I think. You know what I'm talking about, right? Good ..

I keep trying to work them out myself. And I waste time at therapy thinking of things to talk about besides the crap that actually bothers me.

I see very clearly what I want for my life. But the paths to that life are blurry or blocked off. Not the most original of dilemmas, but I'm not being paid for it so I don't have to come up with original things to suffer through.

Resumes and portfolios frighten me. They seem like a lot of trouble, and at the same time I feel a hatred for them. The idea of condensing my life to some printed paper in a manila folder and passing it around until someone finds it acceptable .. disturbs me.

I'm getting off topic. I was supposed to talk about how I hate new years and such. But, the morale of the story is that I don't hate New Years. I just hate them right now because I'm depressed. XD

To the person I did spend New Years with I add this disclaimer: I had a wonderful time and none of that applies to anything in this post.